accounts from auj's progression through life

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to blush is to turn red.

I am showing for the first time today. So tonight I traded in booming bass lines and pretty dresses for marriachi music and a hot bath with baby.

There is romance looming at the office. Blushing and glances. Tomorrow we're going to a live fight and then to the comedy club later. A part of me feels guilty for having a crush. Pregnant women aren't supposed to do that and I just got out of such a disaster. But I'm finding his plain brown eyes inviting and I'm searching for his glances and listening for his thoughtful comments triggered by his own sensitivity and fueled by a subtle desire to connect. I remind myself that I do not have to question my own judgment of character and remember that my big mistake with Caffre was not that I didn't see his flaws in character, but that I didn't trust my own instincts when I knew something was wrong even before I wrote it in my own diary.

And still, even further, I have to remember that it's not just me involved anymore. Now I must survive and stay healthy for two of us. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I do sometimes miss the simplest thing though. A hug and a kiss.

I get that feeling when he flirts with the limits of my own body heat and asks if I would switch my shift tomorrow so that we can go watch our supervisor kick some ass in a tournament together, A small gesture, but a nice one.

And I brace myself, but only a little for any man to run for the hills upon realizing he wasn't ready to connect with two of us. And let him prove himself as unworthy at that point. :)

For now I'll enjoy some company and let him flirt with the idea although he's scared.

11:56 p.m. - 2009-10-23

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echo - impact